Not ready to grow up just yet, I opted for the Kids Edition of the freeware game Steampack – a game in which you must fly a small fellow around a danger-filled level to reach the gem at the end. It’s not unlike every other platformer you have ever played as it comes with a catchy soundtrack, cutesy retro graphics and requires a good deal of precision and patience. The most unique aspect of the game is its main feature – the jetpack. Rather than hopping, bouncing or leaping around the levels; you simply hover. Well, I say “simply”, but it’s actually a devilishly hard little game at times, so much so that it nearly made me throttle the nearest kitten!

That terrible incident never happened thankfully and that’s probably because the game’s soundtrack coaxes you into a happy state every time it loops. You gradually turn into a foul-mouthed delinquent at every attempt to beat its harder levels. Then the upbeat, springy music refreshes your mood the instant you slam your face on the keyboard. The music barrels around in your eardrums during a few seconds of heavy breathing and then you lift your head with the ‘Enter’ key stuck to your face and carry on with a smile. Bizarre! Of course that smile soon fades and the process repeats itself again and again.

I should note that there is already a vital mistake in my writing as I have actually referred to the device on the little guy’s back incorrectly. It’s a steampack, rather than a jepack. Duh. He also wears a top hat and for some reason my brain instantly put the words “steam” and “Lincoln” together and brought me to the image below.

I have no idea if that is the guy you are actually playing as (probably not), but I am happy to accept that it is. So from there on I was flying Steampunk Lincoln between cannon fire and spikes. Oh and let’s not forget the bats! The clumsy, flapping, intolerable nuisances that made my pitiful life an absolute hell for the short time I spent with Steampack. My knowledge of bats is not the greatest but since when did they fly around in bright sunshine clamoring up the airspace for jolly Lincoln look-alikes?!

If you cannot tell, I did rather enjoy my time with Steampack, but then again I am a fan of anything that resembles a platformer and is delightfully challenging with it. I can understand if some people find it annoying and frustrating, I did at times, but I love that in my games as long as it’s due to my own mistakes and not a faulty mechanic. There’s something oddly satisfying about the noise when you collect coins in Steampack as well, and it’s because of this that I kept replaying each level until I had collected all of the coins. Well, I tried at least. In truth that effort only lasted for the first few levels and then the bloody bats popped up to spoil everything!

Not content with torturing myself, I later decided to brave the formidable NOT Kids Version; also know as the original version. This decision was brave at best for such a young bearded child like myself, but at first there seemed to be no noticeable difference. “Does this mean that adults are not any different from kids?” is what I asked myself. Then, I noticed the difference during a sudden drop to Lincoln’s death. If the slight variations between the two versions of Steampack are anything to go by, it would seem that what separates a child from an adult is weight. The original version of Steampack is exactly the same except that Steampunk Lincoln falls a lot faster, and the steampack is a little harder to control. The first point just mentioned makes quite a bit of a difference due to the amount of steam needed to propel the weightier Lincoln above the spikes and out of the way of the apparently blind bats.

My recommendation is to play the Kids Version as it is basically an improvement over the original. Unless you are a whiny, self-proclaimed ‘hardcore’ gamer of course, and will hear of no such thing as playing an improved and slightly easier version of a game. It’s up to you. Definitely go and play Steampack though if you like challenging platformers, cute avatars and catchy music. If you like free games in general you may as well go play it actually.

You can play Steampack for free over on Newgrounds. So go and do so already.

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